


So that my Love can Flourish

by amoama



Category: AUSTEN Jane - Works, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 12:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5004463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amoama/pseuds/amoama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kitty visits Pemberley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So that my Love can Flourish

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ambrose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambrose/gifts).



Kitty had been nervous for 30 straight miles as she approached Pemberley. Before that she was anxious for an entire week. Mama was fretting as well and that just made it worse. Mama carried on about the outfits Kitty had to have to be a credit to her family at Pemberley, as if she had completely forgotten that Elizabeth was the least fashionable Bennet sister! Lizzie had ruined more linens and petticoats then all the other Bennet sisters combined. Kitty did not understand why she had to make all this effort for plain old Lizzie, even if she was living on a Great Estate now. All the fuss grated on Kitty and she could not stop herself from getting the jitters about this visit. 

Ever since her sisters got married Kitty had been sent here, there, and everywhere; except, of course, to Lydia. She’d been to her Aunt Gardiner in London, to Jane to “help them settle” as Mama put it, even to Charlotte Collins’s cottage with Maria Lucas. Although she was not allowed to go to Rosings Park on account of the Bennet name being forbidden there. Mr Collins was frightful about it the whole time but at least she had Maria there to sympathise with. But even Maria was married now and she would go visiting with her husband from now on, Kitty supposed. 

Now it was Elizabeth she was due to visit at the big Derbyshire house and she was all alone in doing it. Jane had not been able to coordinate with her visit and Mary had outright refused to come on account of some important reading she was currently doing, or something. Kitty had not really listened. Even though Mary was the only sister she had left to talk to, Kitty had too much practice at shutting out her long-winded monologues and still mostly forgot to pay attention. Kitty just assumed Mary was too worried about her piano playing being shown up by Georgiana Darcy to risk visiting.

The carriage entered the Pemberley estate, finally, at about 5 in the afternoon. She had half hoped to be delayed somehow so that she could avoid the trials of the first evening in company and start quietly with just Elizabeth in the morning. She had never liked Mr Darcy, he was not at all the kind of man you could get on with. He simply did not know how to behave to ladies. Kitty knew herself to be intimidated by him and did not understand how her sister could be happy living under those grave, inscrutable stares. 

Kitty had also met Mr Darcy’s sister, Georgiana, at the wedding. They were close in age and had been thrown together for the wedding breakfast, although Georgiana had spent the rest of the day guarded on each side by Mr Bingley’s two awful sisters, as if country manners were catching. Georgiana was another quiet one. She talked prettily about how happy she was for her brother, how much she loved Elizabeth already, and she blushed profusely at anything Kitty said in response. It had been hard to keep the conversation going and Kitty had not been in much of a mood to try. She was too consumed with the knowledge that she was about to be abandoned at Longbourn for good. 

The Pemberley driveway continued for so long that Kitty began to feel that there was no house at the other end of it, that she would drive and drive and somehow end up right where she started, but eventually, just when she had given up, it came into view. It was as gorgeous as Lizzie and Jane and her Aunt and Mama had all said. Mama had gushed about it for weeks on return from her own visit. She fell into joyous reveries thinking about it sometimes, which was a relief for everyone else in the room, of course. No one had done the house justice though. It was breath-taking. Kitty had never seen anything so elegant, even in London, let alone stayed somewhere like this. She began to understand Mama’s concern about her clothes. Nothing she could make up or afford to buy would be remotely suitable for a house like this. It was awful. 

“Driver,” she called, “Please stop. Please could you turn around? I’ve changed my mind.”

She would drive back to the village her Aunt loved and stay there instead. She could have fun looking round the shops and make Lizzie come visit her there. She banged on the roof of the carriage and called out the window but the driver ignored her. He was one of Mr Darcy’s men anyway, sent to collect her. Of course he wasn’t going to listen to her when she said she did not want to go to Pemberley. He had been ordered to deliver her up and deliver her up he would do, no matter how she felt about it. 

All too soon it was too late anyway. Outside the house she could see the outline of people gathering to greet her. They soon resolved into the waving shapes of her sister, Mr Darcy, Miss Darcy and a number of servants. The carriage came to a halt and she took a couple of calming breaths, the kind she tried to persuade Mama to do when she became too overwrought, and then the carriage door swung open and she had no choice but to emerge. 

Lizzie swept her up in a big hug which Kitty really felt she needed. She did not usually wish to hide; she had never had to worry about that sort of thing with Lydia around to attract all the attention anyway. Up till recently her main problem, as the fourth daughter, had been getting any attention at all. Yet here she was wishing Lizzie would never release her because then she would have to reveal her travel-crushed garments and her “country manners” in a place like this. 

Lizzie kept her arm around Kitty as she was greeted by Mr Darcy and his sister. She thought that Georgiana looked just as uncertain as her but it was hard to tell, all she knew about her was that she was beautifully tall and graceful and the whole world seemed to make her blush. 

“Let’s go in,” Lizzie said, already leading the way, her arm wound its way through Kitty’s and they entered the house first in defiance of all convention. “Georgiana wanted to show you to your room and there’s water heated for you so you can recover a bit from the journey before supper.” 

“Alright, thank you, Lizzie,” Kitty said. They had entered a long marble foyer with huge stairs that circled around the side of the room to give a balcony. The place was a palace. She turned to face its princess.

“Come with me, if you’d be so kind,” Georgiana requested, bobbing a little as she did so. Kitty nodded. Georgiana held out her hand to her and Kitty took it. She would need a guide if she ever wanted to get to know this place. Georgiana’s hand was warm, almost to the point of clammy, but it held Kitty’s decisively. 

“I asked for your rooms to be near mine so that you can always come and find me if you’re not sure about anything,” Georgiana said. Her voice was quiet, like she did not want to intrude upon Kitty with her speech. 

“Thank you,” Kitty said. She was grateful for the consideration. She found herself wondering more about Georgiana. She had assumed, being one of five, plus all the cousins and other women of her acquaintance that she knew all the kinds of women there were. She supposed she would have to say that Georgiana seemed the most like Jane, who also had a quiet nature, but she had never felt that interested in her older sister and what might lie beneath that gentle surface. Jane was just that, not shy or apologetic really, just gentle, through and through. Kitty didn’t know what it was, but that didn’t feel true for Georgiana. 

Georgiana left Kitty alone in her bedroom without much more being said except that she would come and find her in an hour or so to go down together for the evening. 

Kitty threw off her clothes and hopped into the bathtub quickly. One hour was not much time to ready herself for whatever ordeal the evening might entail. 

Half an hour later a maidservant arrived to attend her. She was used to managing herself quite well or having Lydia fix up her hair. There was never time for Mrs Hill to get round them all and Kitty had never been the priority so she had learnt to make do early on. It was embarrassing to be watched while she attempted to decide on a suitable dress and to direct someone she didn’t know on what she wanted from her hair. She would have much rather done without but there it was. 

All too soon, Georgiana was back at her door. 

“Oh, you do look much recovered,” she exclaimed, so quietly it was almost like she was talking to herself, but Kitty heard her. 

“Did I look so bad?” She voiced her first thought, a little horrified at herself, but some intrigued part of her could not resist. As she expected, she raised her first flush of the evening on Georgiana’s smooth skin. She was such a pretty woman. Her light blonde curls appeared perfectly natural, nothing too groomed or fashionable – something Kitty secretly detested. When Georgiana blushed the red of her cheeks drew out the red of her lips and Kitty’s eyes were drawn in. She had a tiny figure, too petite to be at all remarkable, but Kitty still admired it. 

“Oh no, not at all,” Georgiana protested, “I just meant you look very well.” 

Kitty smiled at her, “Oh I was only teasing you.”

“Teasing!” Georgiana gasped, looking delighted, “Of course, just like Elizabeth, she is always teasing my brother and I. I am getting quite used to it from her and now I will from you as well.”

Kitty was a little perplexed by this outburst but decided not to remark upon it. If Georgiana wished to be teased, Kitty was sure she could accommodate her. Grand people often had strange whims indulged, she supposed. 

Georgiana took her arm to escort her down to dinner. As they walked through the long corridors Georgiana began to be more effusive, their closeness and the intimate halls of her home seemed to be encouraging her to speak. 

“I’ve been looking forward to your visit for so long,” she confided, “Of all Elizabeth’s family I was most concerned for you and I to be properly acquainted and get along well. I want us to be such good friends; I hope you do not mind me saying that. I suppose you have many friends at home but perhaps you may want one more?” 

Her face was turned towards Kitty as they walked and it blazed with enthusiasm as she spoke. The quietness of her voice augmented its intensity. Kitty found herself in wonder again. 

“Yes,” she got out, “I’d like that very much.”

Relief shone out of Georgiana at this. She proceeded to tell Kitty about every element of the evening to come so that Kitty would know what to expect. It was so kind of her and it provided Kitty with a lot of relief. So much so that by the time they entered the dining hall she had quite forgotten why she had ever been worried about such a sweet man as Mr Darcy. 

Of course that feeling did not last long on seeing her brother-in-law again but he was putting himself out to be friendly and his familiar affection with Lizzie and his sister did make him seem substantially different from the man Kitty had been vaguely, if disinterestedly, aware of in Meryton. 

Slowly, as the supper progressed, Kitty began to feel as though she would have a very pleasant and luxurious visit. She decided that, in actual fact, Lizzie was very lucky to live somewhere so nice with people she seemed to get on so well with. Kitty had always been sorry for her having to come and live with Mr Darcy. 

She had been sorry for all her sisters really. She understood the fun of dancing and flirting with men but being married to one? She did not see the comfort in that. Almost all married people were sombre and respectable and the men were far less gracious to their wives then they generally should be. She knew her mother was sending her round to her sisters and Aunt in the hope that she herself would find a husband but now that the pressure for marriage had been alleviated by her sisters’ fine conquests, Kitty did not truly feel herself to be under much obligation to submit herself to matrimony. Not while she was still young and pretty anyhow. She might find a widower later in life perhaps or save a confirmed bachelor from decay to ensure she had a comfortable life. Those had been her whimsical plans in the back of her mind. But her own happiness? She had never sought to find that in marriage. 

She looked over at Georgiana and wondered what her thoughts were on the matter. She resolved to ask her later if she got the opportunity. She thought she would. Georgiana was disposed to be friendly and they might have plenty of time together in the coming weeks to get to know each other better. Already, Kitty was sure she could ask all the questions she could think of. 

*

Two weeks later she and Georgiana were threading their way round the garden maze Mr Darcy had had constructed to amuse Georgiana. Georgiana had insisted that Kitty blindfold her and spin her around as she already knew the maze so well. However she kept walking into the prickly walls so Kitty was holding her hand now and leading her around corners and back down dead-ends. The hedging was tall, far above Kitty’s head even if she jumped. 

“It’s quite terrifying really,” Kitty confessed, “to think of getting lost in here. I would not like to find my way alone.” 

“Oh, it’s not too bad,” Georgiana said, “but I suppose I am far more used to doing things alone then you.”

“I suppose,” Kitty acknowledged, thinking about how it might feel to be the only daughter of this house with just one, rather austere, brother. “I can see why you like having Lizzie here so much. I do miss my sisters far more than I thought I would.” 

“It was too bad of my brother to deprive you of Lizzie,” Georgiana said, quite in earnest. 

Kitty laughed, “Wasn’t it just. I imagine Lady Catherine was really thinking of me when she objected so strenuously to the match!” 

Georgiana gasped quietly and then laughed. Kitty felt pleased to have made her laugh at such an inappropriate comment. Underneath her shyness, Georgiana was not at all priggish and never seemed to be disapproving of Kitty, unlike almost all her actual sisters. In the last few weeks they had been together every day. Georgiana was teaching Kitty to ride a horse properly, not just to plod along, but to canter and jump small fences. They had ripped apart at least three of Georgiana’s dresses to make new ones, according to their own fashions and fancies. They had spent hours painting, something Kitty had never done before, but found she was even quite good at. They had talked and talked, delighting in each other’s opinions and amusements. Already she was dreading having to go home to Longbourn at the end of her visit. It was wonderful having an intimate friend again. Georgiana never treated her as an annoyance nor bullied her into doing anything she did not want to. In fact, she acted as if Kitty’s happiness and comfort were the first thought in her mind. Kitty had never experienced anything like it. 

“I love having you here,” Georgiana sighed, reading Kitty’s mind, as she had been doing a lot in recent days. So much so that Lizzie had remarked upon it the night before last. Georgiana leaned against her, resting her head on Kitty’s shoulder, trusting her completely as they moved through the maze. 

“I wish I never had to leave,” Kitty said, impetuously. She barely registered the imposition she was suggesting, she was too caught up in the truth of how she felt. 

“Me neither,” Georgiana said, “I don’t want you to leave and I don’t want to ever have to leave here either. I thought I did once, I thought I wanted to run away and be married but I didn’t. I only wanted not to be on my own anymore.” 

“I never want to get married,” Kitty declared. 

“You don’t?” 

“No, not really, not now I’ve had a chance to think about it. I don’t think I could be happy, living, like that, with a man.” 

“How do you know?” Georgiana asked. 

“It’s just a feeling, but it’s strong.” 

Kitty did not understand how they had come to be talking about this. These were things she never thought she would say out loud. Yet here she was, with Georgiana leaning against her, blinded by her scarf, surrounded by walls of green and she felt entirely comfortable speaking such things. 

“Yes,” Georgiana agreed, “It’s a strong feeling to have. I have it too I think.” She turned her body further in towards Kitty; they had slowed their pace nearly to a stop.

“The centre is just to the left here I think,” Georgiana said.

“You can tell even with the blindfold?” Kitty asked.

“Yes, even in the dark I can tell. I’ve walked this way too many times on my own. Once I came at night, all alone in the moonlight. It was so peaceful weaving my way to the centre.” 

They paused, Kitty had a strange premonition that reaching the centre would mean something very significant and it made her hesitate. Georgiana was nestled against her, moving the fingers of her right hand delicately over Kitty’s collarbone. 

In her softest tone, Georgiana whispered, “I think it would be different, if I could be married to you.” 

Kitty’s left hand reached up to hold Georgiana’s, slowing her movement so their hands were grasped together just above Kitty’s heart. She wasn’t shocked that Georgiana would say such a thing. It was just a daydream after all. 

“Yes,” she murmured in response, “That would be a different thing.” The thought of it filled her with a peaceful sort of happiness. She felt flooded with a calmness that had rarely come upon her before. 

She lifted the scarf from Georgiana’s eyes, to see for herself if she meant it. There was no doubting her sincerity. 

“We could always pretend,” she said, a little dizzy at the thought of being married to Georgiana, even as a game.

“It could be a secret,” Georgiana said, “Between the two of us, a secret marriage.” 

“Yes,” said Kitty, loving the idea of belonging to Georgiana, of being bound to her by promises that could never be broken. 

Their lips met solemnly, sealing their silent vows. Kitty found that both of them were trembling. This was not something to be forgotten. When they broke apart, Georgiana led Kitty into the very centre of the maze where there was a pretty stone bench set amid a sea of wild flowers. Carefully they made their way to the bench to sit wrapped in each other’s arms. 

“This is far nicer than any real marriage,” Georgiana said. 

“Yes, this is better.”

“I will ask my brother to extend your visit and then I will visit with you. It will be easy to manage you know.” 

“Yes,” Kitty agreed, silently thinking about how Mama would convulse with panic at the news that Georgiana Darcy was to stay at Longbourn with them, but nevertheless delighted. 

“We are just now at the beginning of being lifelong friends, are we not?” Georgiana asked. 

“Yes,” Kitty reassured her, “This is the beginning.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the Jenny Joseph poem, Great Sun. Taken entirely out of context.


End file.
